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You ain’t got no money.. your Visa was declined
That’s what the cashier told me
She said, “You’re holdin’ up the line”
The pretty girl behind me rolled her eyes and shook her head
I was diggin’ in my jeans for my last ten dollar bill
And I wished that I was dead

But that’s life in Portales
The only place we’re better than is Dallas
That’s life in Goober Gulch
God help me please

I was there buying beer, she was picking up some cheese
And while the cashier was engaged in higher mathematics
We began to shoot the breeze
She said, “I think I know you… Didn’t you work down at Sears”?
I said, “Yeah, but that was when I was in high school…
During my first Junior year”

That’s life in Portales
I told her my favorite team was whoever was playin’ Dallas
That’s life in Goober Gulch
God help me please.
She said, “I see you bought some Rolling Rock”
“Yes mam, that’s the only brand I drink”
I said, “I see you purchased some Velveeta”
She said, “You bet I did… Them fancy foreign cheeses STINK”

That’s life in Portales
Who’d a thunk I’d run into Alice
That’s life in Goober Gulch
God help me please

Now, I got a whole lot a so-called sophisticated friends
Who turn their nose up at Rolling Rock
And those same damn snobby people
Go for cheese that tastes like a week old sock
This was a match made in heaven... the best day of my life
And come next Christmas morning, I’m gonna make her my third wife

Merry Christmas from Portales
Even baby Jesus ain’t too keen on Dallas
Merry Christmas from me and Alice
God help us please
Rolling Rock…. Velveeta Cheese


from Live At The Kitchen Sink, released July 3, 2020


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Ronny Cox Los Angeles, California

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